This trend has only grown in popularity with the pandemic. Drinking overall, among everyone, has exploded. It’s completely understandable why: it is hard to be at home with little kids all day long. Hell, it’s hard to be at home with older kids all day! Drinking to take the edge off while dealing with the daily housework and childcare seems perfectly acceptable.
When I was a mommy wine drinker extraordinaire, I felt like drinking helped me be more patient with my kids and their demands. It took away the stress of the workday. It also put me in a better mood for my kids and husband. All that sounds good, but it really wasn’t.
What I didn’t realize was that the drinking was putting up a barrier between me and my loved ones. I was numbing out every single night. Being numb means you are not really involved with other people. You’re not really THERE. And those who love you can tell. Even young kids can feel it. It is benign neglect. I would probably still be drinking today if my husband had not said to me one night (as I walked out the door to meet friends for dinner and drinks), “I feel like you’re trying to drink our life away.” That was an epiphany for me. He was right. It was exactly what I was doing, and it wasn’t fair to my kids or to him. The next day, with a raging hangover, I quit drinking. That was 12 years ago.
If any of what I’ve said so far is hitting home, then you may want to take a break from or completely quit drinking. If so, here are some things that helped me:
- Partner Support: Your partner has to support you in some way. Either by joining you in quitting, like my husband did, or by curbing their alcohol use around you, at least for the first 4 to 6 months.
- Find a new tribe: Peer support groups can be extremely helpful, and it doesn’t have to be AA. I have a lot of friends who say that AA saved their lives, but it’s not for everyone. Check out SMART recovery, Women for Sobriety, or Sober Mom Squad. Hanging out with and talking to other people trying to quit drinking can be a huge help and make you feel less alone.
- Stick with sober events/activities: Try to avoid alcohol related events and your drinking buddies for a minimum of a month. We skipped parties for a long time and avoided some friends who we knew would be drinking at whatever we ended up doing with them. Instead, you can go to the movies, try out new parks, exercise and go to church activities.
- Avoid triggers: For at least the first few months, don’t do things that you have always associated with drinking. For me, it was the beach. I literally could not go to the beach for about 6 months. Stress is a common trigger, so use healthy coping mechanisms like deep breathing, yoga and any form of exercise.
- Exercise: I know. But seriously, nothing makes you feel better about yourself and your overall situation than exercise that you enjoy. I put that last part in bold because nothing is WORSE than doing exercise that you hate, like jogging in Houston in August at 2:00 in the afternoon. Do something you like to get those endorphins going.
I consider April 28, 2009, the most significant day of my life. It is the day that I truly engaged in life, including my life as a mom, with all its ups and downs, joy and heartache. I still don’t love doing the laundry, but I am fully present and grateful to be so.
